Recently, I sat in on a Women in Leadership talk hosted by the Facebook org at work and I have to admit, I usually skip these because I tell myself I have “too much work.” But wow, I didn’t realize how much I was missing out on.
There’s something so powerful about hearing from women who are in the roles you hope to grow into someday. But what’s also great about it is realizing that I’m currently in the role that college me once dreamed about. Life’s funny like that. It’s a good reminder that if this version of me is possible, the VP or CEO version isn’t too far off either 🚀.
With that being said, one topic that really stuck with me from the conversation was unconscious bias.
What is unconscious bias? It’s the snap judgments we make without even realizing it that are shaped by things like our upbringing, culture, and environment. It shows up in who gets hired, who gets promoted, who gets listened to, etc. But the worst part is that most of us don’t even notice we’re doing it, hence the unconscious part.
For me, the best way I can describe it – when someone is doing it to you – is that gut feeling you get. The one that tells you you’re being excluded or silenced. Sometimes it’s not even what’s said, but how it’s said. One example that really stood out to me came from a presenter who shared that, early in her career, her manager would constantly say things like, “people your age…”
At first glance, that might sound harmless but she could feel the subtle message underneath it. Her manager was unconsciously putting up a wall, limiting what he thought she was capable of. Recognizing that bias was step one but leaving that team was how she overcame it.
This topic hits close to home for me because I feel other’s unconscious bias towards me all the time.
I often find myself overcompensating, trying to outshine the assumptions people make the moment they see me. I don’t look like the “typical” senior engineer. Put me in a room with an older male engineer, and 9 times out of 10, he gets addressed first. He gets the questions. The attention. The benefit of the doubt. And suddenly, I feel this invisible pressure to prove that I belong here too.
Action
The hard part is, how do we overcome this without letting it spiral into overworking, overthinking, or falling into a silent competition just to be seen?
What’s helped me most is shifting the focus away from proving myself to others and instead focusing on trusting myself. I’ve been practicing reminding myself that I earned this seat. My work speaks for itself, even if others don’t see it right away. I’ve started letting go of the need to constantly prove myself and instead, I choose to show up fully as I am. Confident. Prepared. Human.
I can not control how others think or act but I won’t let it define me. The more we speak up about this, the more we make space for others who feel the same way and the less power that bias holds. The more we name these experiences, the more we take the power back.
✨ If you’ve ever felt the pressure to prove yourself just to be seen, you’re not alone. And you’re more than enough as you are.
Circling back to that VP panel, one thing that really stuck with me was how vulnerable they get during performance evaluations. These are the rooms where big decisions are made, like promotions, recognition, and career growth. And they never let a suspicious comment or gut feeling of unconscious bias go unaddressed.
They shared how many times they’ve stopped a decision before it was finalized simply by saying, “That’s unconscious bias.”
That’s it. Clear. Direct. Powerful.
Reflection
And it’s exactly why we need more women in these rooms. We need people like you and me in these positions, not just to advocate for ourselves but to advocate for each other.
Unconscious bias doesn’t disappear overnight but every time we show up with confidence, support one another, and speak up, we shift the culture. One voice at a time. One room at a time.
Let’s keep having these conversations. Let’s make tech a place where no one feels like they have to overcompensate just to belong.
We’re just doing the best we can and that’s all we can do. 💞
Until next time!
XO,
Paola Terrazas
